This is such an odd place and time in life…A blur between coming and going…The closing of a chapter and the start of a new one.
A changing of place.
A celebration of family.
A mourning of loss…
I’ve lived a life of ‘Feet planted firmly in Mid-Air’ yet this feels so different – not only are my feet planted in mid-air but I can’t seem to identify what is up and what is down. I’m lost. I feel as though – not only am I lost but I’ve been lost by others. Not really sure why I feel this way – I only know that this is how I am feeling. A feeling that somehow I won’t be missed, that life will be better without me, that this community of people will forget me. What do we have in this life without remembrance? One just disappears…vanishes – like a wisp of smoke, slowly dissipating on the currents of memories.
Maybe that is my fear – that I won’t be remembered. What does it mean to be forgotten? To be lost in the valleys of fading recollection. Becoming a ‘remember when’ as opposed to a participant in the present moment.
Sure there will be new present moments – but those are ‘yet’ and this IS my current ‘present moment’ – fear and darkness creep into my peripheral whispering into my soul the things that will be lost and forgotten. Hope lingers ahead – but at a distance too great to grab ahold – though I know she is there and that she will indeed wait for me – biding her time in sweet serenades drawling me ever forward.
I must keep walking. Even if but a step at a time. Moving into tomorrow’s present moment.